Sunday, September 23, 2012

Our life on an Incline

Since not much has been going on as far as infertility treatments go and we've been busy fundraising, I thought I'd update about whats been going on in our life in general.

Mike's current love is hiking/camping. He tends to get on what I like to call "kicks" where he focuses all of his attention on one thing, one activity, one idea and it could take months or years before he moves on to the next "kick".  We have visited The Mast General Store, Academy Sports, Bass Pro, Gander Mountain, etc more times than I can count over the last several months and each time he comes home with some new gadget or tool to use on his next adventure.

His current obsession is to get his hiking backpack weight down as close to 15-20lbs as possible. Its currently at 30+ pounds, depending on whether or not I come along on camping trips. Most professional hikers have packs less than 10lbs and some closer to 7 lbs. Although I require very little compared to the norm, there is no such thing as packing light when I come along...lol.

What I've discovered from all of this is that the smaller it is the more it costs. They have everything from light weight hammocks and self inflating sleeping pads to gadgets such as watches, compasses and cooking utensils weighing mere ounces.

My mother actually had a previous co-worker who spent nearly a year hiking the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. He currently works at The Mast General Store and Mike and I enjoying hearing his stories/experiences and gaining some of the knowledge he learned along the way. Sadly, we have agreed that neither of us would ever be up for doing that...Heck I'm exhausted after hiking a couple of miles much less 20 miles or more in a day.

Anyways, all of that just to tell you about our weekend. I took a day off work on Friday and we planned a small relaxing camping trip...just the two of us. Since our weather took a sudden turn for Fall, (which I might add only began a little over a week ago) Mike has talked non stop about taking a hiking/camping trip again. His last trip with a good friend had been nearly 3 months ago and a trip was long over due.

So I actually mentioned the trip and agreed to go as I thought it would be a good way to get away and take a break from it all. I never imagined how exhausting and stressful fundraising could be. It has been more like a second job rather than something to do here and there and although I am extremely grateful by the wonderful response we've had thus far I am plum tuckered out. A long weekend was just want I needed to rejuvenate and jump back on the fundraising bandwagon.

Below are just a few pics from our adventure and what an adventure it was. Mike slept in his hammock, but I opted for a small pop up tent and what a mishap it was. Not being a huge mother nature lover I opted to sleep as close to Mike as possible for protection of course in the event that strange creatures wondered out of the woods. However, sleeping as close to Mike as possible meant I had to slept on an incline as he needed to be at the edge of the woods in order to hang up his hammock.

This incline did not provide for a comfortable sleeping arrangement nor did the oh so rock hard ground...ugh!  I had a sleeping bag and ended up stealing Mikes sleeping pad half way through the night, yet still ended up with bruises on my hips. I also woke up every hour on the hour. All of the noises began to freak me out and once I get a creepy thought in my mind I can't seem to get rid of it.  I would wake Mike up constantly asking "what was that noise." He was not amused to say the least, but was a trooper and ended up getting in the tent with me so that I could finally fall asleep.

This is when the real fun began. I woke up about an hour after he joined me. The tent was collapsing on us and was wet...leaking water through the top mesh. I unsuccessfully tried to wake Mike up to help me fix the tent and ultimately just fell back to sleep. This continued off and on until 5am when Mike finally fully woke up only to realize our tent was collapsed so much that we could no longer sit upright. Once the door was located (very difficult to do when you are laying on top of it) and unzipped we realized we had slid within our tent nearly 10 feet down the hill and rested nearly under his hammock. At that point we decided enough was enough and got up, got packed and hiked back. Hiking in the dark is very difficult and creepy might I add, but so much fun. I laughed the whole way out while clinging to Mike's arm.

We had a blast, mishaps and all. And although I'm not planning another camping trip anytime soon I enjoyed our time together and would love to plan a long weekend again soon...maybe next time we'll choose a bed and breakfast.







Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Great Pumpkin!

At the start of the summer we were elated about planting our garden and the start of pumpkin season. However as the weeks passed the sun grew hotter, the ground dryer and the pumpkins fewer.

Our hopes for a great pumpkin season have faded. We are at the mere start of Fall and only one lone pumpkin produced. Although sad I am thankful. I will relate this to infertility. Numerous eggs numerous sperm combined to form numerous embryos all in hopes of achieving that one great pumpkin.

I'll take this as a sign if you will. Much like the path of our infertility journey, our pumpkin patch may have been tried from the start...planted, plowed over by mistake, re-planted, over watered, under watered, fertilized, un-feed, weeded, yet left to grow unruly.

We have ended our pumpkin season left with this one sweet photo...our one lone pumpkin. The fruit of our efforts, our certainties and doubts. Now only hope remains that much like our pumpkin patch we will in the end finally get our one great pumpkin!


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

When it comes I want to wail! MAIL!

The title of today's blog is for my crazy, fun and sweet friend Ashley who is at Disney right now...without me might I add...I've never been. Hey maybe that could be our next big fundraising project..."Send Amy to Disney"...Lol..okay, yeah probably not.

Anyways, for those of you with children you've probably heard this one on Blue's Clues a time or two and today's post seemed quite fitting for the song.

Just wanted to give a quick update....

It seems as if I completely forgot to make mention of one of our next big fundraising events. Approximately 3 weeks ago, Mike and I began writing letters to local businesses sharing our IVF fundraising efforts and directing them towards our blog. We've written well over 30 letters in hopes of spreading the word about infertility awareness. We are working on setting up an online silent auction, date to be set soon, which will include donated items from such businesses.

Here's the mail, it never fails.
It makes me want to wag my tail.
When it comes I want to wail, MAIL!!!!!!!!

I am soooo happy to announce that we received our first donation as a direct result from our letters!  Wilderness of the Smokies donated 2 one day family pass tickets (each admits a family of four and are valued at $120.00!) YAY!

Mike and I are extremely appreciative of their support. We will be writing a BIG THANK-YOU letter to them and encourage our friends and family to do the same. Its support from people and places like Wilderness of the Smokies that bring about change. It makes me so happy to have been born and raised in East Tennessee...such caring and loving people we are surrounded by. Thank-you so much! Can't wait to share more wonderful updates!





Saturday, September 1, 2012

What if...


What if…We never hear that tiny heartbeat?

What if…We have to endure another miscarriage?

What if…We cry for hours, weeks, years, a life-time?

What if…Our character, our faith and our marriage is tested?

What if…We feel inadequate, ashamed and broken?

What if…We feel angry, jealous and isolated?

What if…Infertility has robbed us of our intimacy and we will never be truly “in the mood” again?

What if…We’ve relaxed, exercised, lost weight, ate every unique food in the book, taken vitamins, stood on my head, propped pillows under my butt, legs in the air, preformed in the morning, night, full moon, blue moon, no moon, cut out caffeine, hot tubs, switched to boxer shorts, cotton sheets, timed ovulation, pee’d on opk’s, charted bbt and taken numerous vacations still to no avail?

What if…We told you to do the same thing for your heart disease, diabetes, breast cancer, or brain tumor?

What if…Our doctors told us none of that would help?

What if…Infertility was defined as a disease?

What if…On November 30th, 2009 the World Health Organization did just that…declaring for the very first time that Infertility was in fact a disease?

What if…1 in 8 couples of childbearing age are infertile?

What if…Others insensitivity hurts?

What if…We tried just one more IUI and it worked?

What if…We can’t fathom the idea of one more injection, one more suppository, one more blood draw?

What if…We finally save/raise enough money for one IVF cycle and it fails?

What if…We have a complication from IVF and insurance doesn’t cover it?

What if…1 in 10 patients will experience, OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome),  a serious and sometimes fatal complication of IVF which may require hospitalization and is not covered by insurance in Tennessee?

What if…We told you other complications including reactions to anesthesia, bleeding, infection or damage to other organs during infertility treatment and any medications or hospitalization required as a result are not covered by insurance either?

What if…We experience any of these complications and cannot afford to pay the resulting medical bills?

What if…Infertility treatments financially drain us?

What if…It hurts when you say “If you can’t afford treatment you can’t afford a baby”?

What if…You had to come up with $12,000 in one month?

What if…That was nearly half your annual income?

What if…We have to read another pregnancy announcement or see another ultrasound on Facebook today?

What if…I start another cycle only to get news that same day that yet another friend, family member, co-worker is “trying”, has conceived, had an ultrasound, named their baby, given birth?

What if…We’ve been trying all the while they are on their 2nd, 3rd, 4th child?

What if…We have to hear one more pregnant person complain about nausea, indigestion, back pain, swelling or weight gain?

What if…We’ve been to 56 doctor appointments, had 24 blood draws, 21 months of Clomid, 20 intramuscular injections, 14 vaginal suppositories, 11 urinalysis, 9 vaginal ultrasounds, 8 semen analysis, 5 genetic tests, 3 IUI treatments, 2 testicular exams, 1 rectal exam, 1 month of Femera, 1 surgery all of which come with their own not so pleasant side effects and we did it all in hopes of getting to increase our odds from less than 1% to a mear 10% in hopes that we will one day get experience those less than delightful pregnancy symptoms.  

What if…We never let go of our jealousy and resentment because they get to do this naturally?

What if…It hurts when you say “it will happen when it’s meant to be”

What if…We don’t understand why three months is long enough for you while 3 years is still too soon for us?

What if…You can’t understand until you’ve walked a mile in our shoes?

What if…Our hearts ache when you say “just adopt”

What if…We can’t afford to adopt?

What if…We can, but we can’t learn to love a non-biological child?

What if…We can’t bear the intrusive home studies, long waiting lists, the feelings of hostility of applying and being interviewed for a child while others get to freely and effortlessly grow their families?

What if…We have to sit through another dinner hearing our friends, family or co-workers lovingly dote on the achievements of their child?

What if…We never get to celebrate that 1st birthday, 1st tooth, 1st step, 1st word, laugh, smile, hug?

What if…Our friends get “tired” of dealing with our infertility? With us?

What if…We lose friendships along the way?

What if…We have to learn to live childfree?

What if…We lose ourselves along the way?

What if…We can’t get back to the place we were at emotionally before all of this began?

What if…we get pregnant?

What if…We can’t stomach the thought we had to buy a baby?

What if…Our identities change and we lose who we have become?

OR

What if…We realize that our friends and family are trying the best way they know how to be understanding and supportive?

What if...When another IF couple conceives instead of feeling pain, we are encouraged and given renewed hope that one day the same will happen for us?

What if…We stop hiding behind our fears, our doubts, our pain?

What if…We accept our diagnosis of Infertility?

What if…We stop defining ourselves by it?

What if…We redefine what it means to conceive, to be parents, to be a family?

What if...We become advocates for infertility awareness and research?

What if…You visit Resolve.org and get involved in legislative issues by sending a letter to the U.S. Senate & House of Representatives concerning the Family Act of 2011?

What if…Resolves goal of sending 10,000 letters is met by the end of 2012?

What if…Every state passed a law mandating insurance companies to cover infertility treatments?

What if…Our story, your letter, can help one person, hundreds of people, thousands of people?

What if…We are forever changed?

What if…You are forever changed?

What if…Society is forever changed?

What if…Infertility ceases to exist?

What if